Accident (Joke)

 

A man was suing the Train Co after an accident. In court the judge
asked him how he felt, and he aaid "Terrible, I hurt all over."

 

The Defense Attorney said,"He’s lying. I have
the police report right here, and just after the
accident he publicly said that he was fine."

 

The judge said to him, "Well, tell us what happened.

 

The man said, "I was riding along in my wagon,
two mules pulling and my dog settin’ alongside o’me.
Then the train hit me. The police came and when he saw 
that my one mule had two broken legs he shot him. 
The other mule had 4 broken legs, so he shot him, 
and when he noticed that my dog was all broken up he shot 
him. Then he turned to me and asked how I felt..."

​

Joke told by Lehman Zebley, member of Westminster
Presbyterian Church in West Chester, PA
3/24/87

​

​

ADOLESCENTS - JUNIOR HIGHS/MIDDLE SCHOOLERS

​

A LOOK AT THE YOUNG ADOLESCENT:

 

We give them a group label: Jr. Highs — but realize that they need most often to be taken one by one. It is a state of being as much as it is an age. For some it is a time of natural, scarcely noticed flowering from childhood to adolescence; for others it is a time of agony/ecstasy, of "coming to oneself" ...usually hung up on body, mind or emotions or all three. It is a process of leaving childhood and entering a less stable period of life. Both the transition process and the goal lack specificity. A "shaky ego" results in mercurial emotions, exaggerations (despair/idealism, joy in childishness/anguish in acting or being treated like a child).

​

Difficulties in knowing who/where JHs are suggests getting broader feedback, a wider perspective from parents, teachers, coaches, other leaders. Listening and watching will provide a more complete picture of a frequently indescribable person whose behavior is 
not immediately descriptive of who he/she seems to be. Adults have the tendency often to follow listening and watching with pouncing and using....these are not the only responses.

​

Programming can be a nightmare if the "program" is seen as an end in itself or as something for everyone. The program...a roller skating party, a simulation game, a film, a project of making a film, a trip to see "our town," a worship service, a Bible study...may only be the context in which affirmation, rejection, confrontation, challenge, satisfaction, betrayal,- appreciation, hope, etc. are experienced and supported by patient, consistent, hopeful, affirming, alive adults. Content is often more felt than heard by JHs (theological, Biblical, ecclesiastical, psychological)...a Scripture verse used to describe a moment or a conviction, a poster phrase referred to, a "hanging in" with the hard to like or love, a pursuit of justice. And a sense of joy in life... an enfleshment that the pain, questions, anxieties, fears, ambivalences, doom, etc. of the moment are worth it. A leader may not be charismatic.. .but you and others have some of these things in hand. JHs have lots to do...grow, find out, commit, withdraw, live up to real and fantasized expectations, test, try oh new/alternative life styles, find out what does and what doesn’t, live with erratic and sometimes*' frightening/feelings... not much energy for program, planning, lots of energy to complain, to scoff, to belittle (usually in defense).
Too few adults are able to be enthusiastic or passionate about life, God, church, love... anywhere or anywhere but in the most private circumstances. 

​

Some ideas to consider in programming for JHs:
. Some freedom to choose: programs, methods of learning, modes of involvement, leaders, etc.
. New names for old things
. Adults who leave them alone but are there
. "Free" times and spaces but with some options for things to do
. Chances to gain skills
. Short-term responsibilities; adults who can and will articulate for them without forcing them to adopt the adult viewpoint; adults who acknowledge a range of  feelings and thoughts; adults who accept them but don’t close the door on the possibility that they will change;* adults who are not compulsive and who can live with noise, quiet, secrecy, giggles, celebrations, understatement, exaggeration without getting that way themselves.
. Adults who get their major support for their leader roles from each other.
. Adults who sense that the JHs need recognition but who are sensitive to JHs’ fears of looking special or unusual to their peers
. Opportunities to receive verbal recognition
. Variations on learning experiences: individualized instruction, weekday programs, field trip series, work projects with adults and alone, in-training groups.

​​

​​

AGING GRACEFULLY

​

20 people over the age of 50 share their tips for aging gracefully:

"Grace means moving, listening, engaging. And the older you get the more intentional you have to be in finding opportunities to do so." Emily Shiffer 07.31.25

​

Aging is a wild journey, and the battle against growing older is something people choose to handle differently. Many people strive to "age gracefully" by choosing to accept and embrace the passage of time and the changes it brings while continuing to live a full and meaningful life.

 

On a Reddit thread where people are discussing aging, member oaksgreenbean posed the question: "What are your tips to aging gracefully?"

 

A number of people over the age of 50 had plenty of sage wisdom to give on accepting aging with grace. Here are twenty of their most helpful responses.
 
"Eat better, keep moving, seek joy & no more negative self-talk. Self care is vital ???? keep ur mind active and find a good moisturizer." —New-Advantage2813

 

"The sit-stand test. I do that one and my own extra little thing. Whenever I take off shoes, whether they are lace up or not, I stand on one foot and take them off (and socks) with my hands by bending my knee and bringing my foot up to where I can reach it. I often do the same when putting them on too. It's a good balance check." —1happylife
 
"Re moisturizer: pure shea butter. I cannot recommend this enough. Cheap on Amazon. No other expensive creams are needed and they're all a bunch of BS anyway. My one tub of shea butter costs (US)$6.00 and lasts over a year." —analogpursuits

 

"Was at orthopedist and PT both instilled in me I need to walk on different surfaces and I need to walk. When I don't, my body feels not good." —User Unknown

​

"Another tip: When you get out of bed sit on the side of the bed with your feet on the ground before standing up and walking. Apparently lots of folks fall getting out of bed because they don't get their feet under them." —TwiceBaked57

 

"As I often mention here, I partake in no vices....no smoking, recreational drugs, drinking, weed, etc. I brush and floss, so at 67 years old I still have all but my wisdom teeth. I see my doctor regularly and he keeps a check on my blood work. I eat sensibly, get lots of sleep at night, drink lots of water, no sodas, exercise, and I take my vitamin supplements as recommended by my doctor. The least amount of stress possible. That means no toxic people are allowed in my life, and that includes energy vampires and dramatic family members. My husband and I enjoy a peaceful life together. We enjoy our never-ending conversations, eating our meals outside (when we can) so we can enjoy the fresh air and surrounding woods. We're not in debt, we don't watch the news, we only belong to Reddit, as far as social media is concerned, and we love binge-watching our favorite series together. We guard our peaceful and happy lives with our teeth. We built this together, we'll protect it together." —moviesandcats
 
"Eat less, move more, don't dwell on the past, be kind to others and yourself. Pretty simple." —DifferenceNo5715

 

"Aim to grow old disgracefully, it's more fun ?? being the 'oh no, what's she up to now' kind of old person is more realistic for me . I set goals and I stuck to them ??." —legoartnana

 

 

ALCOHOL AND ADOLESCENTS

 

Dear Ann Landers:
The following letter has been sent to parents of our young people. Perhaps there is a message here for your readers.

 

Dear Parents:
Summertime means barbecues, pool parties and picnics. I have a request to make. 

 

I’ve heard many excuses for serving alcoholic beverages to minors when they get together for an evening of fun in various homes.
Do any of these sound familiar?
“I’d rather have the kids drink here—it’s safer.”
“It’s my kid’s turn to have a party and all his friends have had a keg at their parties—it’s expected.”
“We won’t serve hard liquor—just beer.”
“All the parents allow it. We don’t want our kids to feel different.”
“If my kid doesn’t drink at home, he’ll go somewhere else and do it.”
“I’d rather know what’s going on.”
“High school kids are under a lot of pressure these days. Beer is part of their culture. I want our son to think of us as friends.”

 

I’m here to tell you that kids don’t need 50-year-old friends. They need 50-year-old parents who will uphold
the law in their homes. Consumption of alcoholic beverages by those under 21 in this state (and many
others) is illegal. Kids also need parents who are willing to risk popularity to keep them on the right track.

 

Flatly refuse to serve alcohol to minors under your roof. And remember beer has enough alcohol to get a person dead drunk. If a kid gets drunk under your roof (no matter what he drank) and kills himself (or someone else) driving home, you could be held accountable.
—Mark Teresi, Youth Minister, Park Ridge, Ill.

 

Dear Mark:
I hope every parent who reads, this will clip it and tape it to the door of the refrigerator. It may start a four-day family fight—so what?
This issue could be a matter of life and death. If you love your kids, you won’t back off to avoid a little unpleasantness.

• 1983, Field Enterprises Inc.

​​

​

ALZHEIMERS

​

"Just As You Are"

By Virginia Sheeley Dustin

​

Since my father’s death two months ago, everything has overwhelmed me. There are so many things to deal with—so
many bills, so many decisions, so many feelings. And then there’s my mother.

My mother has Alzheimer's disease. She is growing progressively more confused and unable to take care of herself. My dad devoted
the last two years of his life to caring for her. He cooked, cleaned, bathed her, and even saw to it that she got her hair done. Now I have come to Florida to stay with Mama and do these things for her.

​

But I can’t get used to seeing my 74-year-old mother behave like a three year old. . . .

​

We are standing at the checkout counter in the supermarket. The clerk is bagging our groceries, and my mother is busily taking a  handful of candy bars from the display rack. She shifts restlessly from foot to foot, back and forth. "Don’t do that, Mama," I say to her, my voice strained. “And please stand still. Everybody’s looking at you."

 

Suddenly she heads for the exit. “Where are you going now?" I grab her hand and pull her back to my side. “Now stand right here
until I finish paying." It’s all I can do not to grab her by the shoulders and shout at her, “Mama! You know how to behave. Stop acting
like a child!" 

​

And then I’m angry at myself. After all, she can’t change her condition by an act of will. As we drive home in the car, my thoughts fasten obsessively on my mother. She won’t do anything I ask. I can’t get her to eat. She naps all day and wanders about the house  all night. I sleep on the couch so as to catch her when she walks by, which means I don’t really sleep, I doze. I give her  the tranquilizers the doctor prescribed but feel they should have been for me. I have even bought megavitamins for her, hoping against hope to bring her memory back by improving her nutrition.

 

Throughout this time I’ve been impatient, frustrated, and resentful. I’m not accustomed to telling my mother what to do; it doesn’t
feel right. Until now she had always been the one in charge. I don’t know how to act anymore—and so I react. I scold her as if she
were a naughty child.

​

“Don’t go to sleep now, Mama.” “Sit down and eat your lunch.” “Get up, Mama.” “Stay awake.” “Go back to bed.” What more can I do? I’m doing everything in my power to force her to act as normal as possible. 

​

And then I hear what I’m saying: ”... everything in my power to force her ...” Power, force, coercion, threats: “Do this!” “Don’t do that!” What a picture that makes. And it certainly isn’t working. Even the simplest daily task has turned into a tug-of-war: my will against hers. What am I accomplishing in this power struggle?

Can I alter the course of her disease through the sheer force of my will? If not, what is my goal? What I have been doing has not been much help. It seems, in fact, most unhelpful. I’m cross and oversensitive, and my mother is constantly on the defensive.

 

At home I persuade Mama to lie down. I put on one of the tape cassettes of hymns that seem to please her. After a while I find myself humming along with a hymn from my childhood. Just as I Am. I can’t remember all the words, but the refrain keeps repeating in my mind: Just as I am. Just as I am.

Not “as you’d like me to be.” “Just as I am.” Right now, not yesterday or last year. “Just as I am.” Here and now.

​

And suddenly I’m aware that the one thing I haven’t done for my mother is see her, really see her, just as she is. I’ve been looking at her in the same way that I’ve looked at her since I was a teenager, seeing her as a person who’s strong, capable, hardworking, confi-
dent, in control. I’ve been so busy chasing ghosts from the past that I have not made any effort to relate to her just as she is: confused, frightened, alone.

 

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Mama is standing next to me, a big smile on her face. “Hi, honey,” she says. “Hi, Mama, what’s up?”
“Just me,” she replies. “That’s wonderful.” I turn and give her a hug. “What was that for?” she asks.  “Just for you,” I answer. “Just for
you being you.” “I’m tired now. I think I’ll take a nap.” She walks over to the couch, makes herself comfortable and shuts her eyes.

 

I know now what I need to do. In order to heal my relationship with my  mother, my first priority is to remove the past from our  resent.

It isn’t easy. Many times I find myself. slipping into old patterns, but the results are worth the effort. I stop trying to get her to admit that she is confused. If she believes that she still does all the cooking and cleaning, so what? It’s a harmless belief, and it helps her maintain her sense of dignity.

 

When she asks for her mother or someone else long dead, I answer gently, and she looks at me and says, “My mama’s dead, isn’t she?” I nod yes. “I thought  so,” she says, shaking her head slowly and returning to her place on the couch.

 

I let go of my “remembered mother” and begin struggling to see the mother right here in front of me. I drop my expectations and  allow her the freedom to be old and confused. I stop myself from saying or thinking anything that implies she is not doing her best. She no longer needs to defend herself, and our tugs-of-war over meals and sleep end. 

 

Mother doesn’t change. She doesn’t stop sleeping all day and roaming about the house all night. She doesn’t stop marching in place whenever she has to stand for more than a second. She doesn’t stop needing constant care and attention. What changes is how I  respond to her. I open my heart and my arms, and begin to see not her stubbornness but her innocence, not her confusion but her vulnerability. And I see that she is truly doing her best. I stop trying to force her to be what she can no longer be. In so doing, I give
her the freedom to be wholly who she can be. And she becomes like a child again: trusting, open, loving, living out her life at peace, just as she is. . . . 

I am standing at another checkout counter, putting back the things my mother keeps removing from the display rack. She smiles at me. It has become a game to her. I smile back. She is my mother and 1 love her. 

 

“Mama, you are a scamp.” I tease her gently.
“I know.” She grins.
“I love you, Mama.”
“I love you, too,” she answers.

​

Good Housekeeping/March 1989
from Guideposts magazine. Copyright © 1987 
by Guideposts Associates, Inc., Carmel, N.Y. 10512

​

​

ANIMOSITY (SLAVES TO)

​

Slaves to Animosity
by George W. Ball

​

ONE OF THE SAGEST admonitions in George Washington’s Farewell Address was that we Americans should beware of “inveterate antipathies against particular nations.”

“The nation,” he said, “that indulges toward another an habitual hatred ... is in some degrees a slave. It is a slave to its animosity . . . which is sufficient to lead it astray from its duty and its interests.” And he added: “Antipathy in one nation against another disposes each more readily to offer insult and injury, to lay hold of slight causes of umbrage, and to be haughty and intractable when accidental or trifling occasions or disputes occur.”

That advice has particular relevance today, for our government is exhibiting toward the Soviet Union such an “habitual hatred” as to make it, in Washington’s phrase, “to some degrees ... a slave to its animosity.” 

 

-from Bulletin of the Atomic Sciences, August/September 1984, page 5

​

​

ANSWERS

​

"In a period of frighteningly rapid change and of future shock, there is an understandable itch on the part of many for dogmatic, authoritarian, oversimplified answers to questions for which we are not given those kinds of answers."

-Edmund A. Steimle, in his book Preaching the Story, pp. 41-42

​​

​

APARTHEID - INCLUSIVE LANGUAGE

​

OUR FIRST CONCERN

​

As a mother, you sometimes try to keep your children naive about
apartheid and its cruelties as long as you possibly can so that they can
grow up as normal, happy children. But this is not possible for very long,
because all too soon the questions start coming and you have to explain
why they can’t play in certain parks, why white schools have such beauti-
ful playgrounds and theirs don’t, why some child calls them "nigger”
(“kaffer” in Afrikaans), or why Mommy got angry when the white lady in
the store addressed her as "girl.” But even more difficult are questions
like “Mommy, what do people mean when they say Daddy is banned,” or
trying to explain who those angry men were who took Daddy away at four
o’clock in the morning, or “if he’s not a criminal, why is he in jail?” . . .
As I look at you, I'm struck by the difference in our situations. We, too,
are concerned about the human dignity of women and the inequality we
have to suffer. But when all our people are oppressed, the liberation of
one section cannot take first priority. While we applaud the efforts to
bring equality to women, I must remind you that while American women
claim their right to a budget of their own, our concern is whether or not
our children will have enough to eat. When the blood of your children has
stained the streets, you do not find the gender of God the most important
thing to worry about. Our first concern right now is the liberation of all
our people.

—From the address of Dorothy Boesak to the Phoenix General Assembly.
Published in the “Minutes” of General Assembly (1984), p. 824.

​

​

APOSTLES

​

SYMBOLS OF THE APOSTLE

​

Left Side From Top
THOMAS: The book represents the Gospel which Thomas is supposed to have preached in India. The sword symbolizes the manner in which he was put to death.

PHILIP: The Partriarchal Cross and a spear. This is the Latin cross with a shorter horizontal arm added above the long horizontal one. This particular cross is often seen in the hands of Patriarchs. The spear recalls Philip’s supposed martyrdom after valiant missionary activity in Galatia.

PETER:    Two keys crossed like the letter X. St. Peter is said to have been crucified at Rome, requesting that he be crucified head downward, for he did not consider himself worthy to die in the same position as that of his Lord.

JUDE:    This apostle, also called Thaddaeus, traveled far with Simon on missionary journeys. Hence, we have the sail boat with a cross shaped mast. Among the lands he visited were Arabia, Syria and Mesopotamia.

BARTHOLOMEW:  This apostle, thought to be the same as Nathaniel, is said to have been flayed alive and then crucified and
his body decapitated by a scimitar. PAUL:  Although not one of the twelve, St. Paul is considered to be the greatest of the apostles. The symbol here used is the sword of the spirit, cross hilted. This is a familiar device often carved in stone over the doorway of churches bearing his name.

JAMES THE GREATER:  The escallop shell is the  symbol of Pilgrimage. This apostle, beheaded by Herod, combined noteworthy zeal, missionary spirit, courage and forgiveness.

MATTHEW:  The three purses used here refer to his original calling as a tax-gatherer. This apostle is said to have been crucified in Ethiopia and his head severed from his dead body with a battle axe or a halberd.

SIMON:  He was a companion of St. Jude on many of his missionary journeys. His most familiar symbol is that of a book on which lies a fish. This is given to him because he was a great fisher of men, through the power of the Gospel. The exact manner of Simon's death is not told us, but he is generally supposed to have been sawn asunder, or else beheaded. It is quite certain that he suffered martyrdom.

ANDREW; The most common symbol of St. Andrew is a cross shaped like the letter X. It is believed that Andrew died while  preaching the Gospel in Greece that he was crucified on a cross of this sort.

JOHN:    When represented as an Apostle rather than among the Four Evangelists, St. John’s most usual symbol is a chalice out of which issued a serpent. Early writers state that an attempt was made to slay St. John by giving him a poisoned chalice, from which the Lord spared him. Hence, the chalice and the serpent. St. John is said to have been the only apostle who died a natural death, having attained a great age.

JAMES THE LESS:  This apostle is symbolized in a  vertical saw with the handle upward. He labored diligently in and about Jerusalem. He is said to have been ninety-six years of age when he suffered martyrdom. His dead body was sawn asunder,
hence, the use of the saw as a symbol.

THE AGNUS DEI: The central carving is the Agnus Dei or "Lamb of God" and is of ancient origin. Christian symbolism presents a great number of variations of this theme. This particular use of the symbol of the Seven Seals (Revelation 5:12) and
carrying the Banner of Victory, reminds us of the Resurrection.

​​

​​

APPLIANCES (WITH NO POWER)

​​

A vacuum salesman was trying to sell his appliance to a customer at their new home. He threw a bunch of dirt on her floor to begin the demonstration, but the homeowner said, “Oh, our electrical sockets haven’t been put in yet.”

 

That’s what our lives would be like if there really was a source of power, but we didn’t plug in.

 

-the Rev. Rich Glenn, Christ United Methodist Church, Falls Township, PA, 1981

​​​

​​​

APPRECIATING YOUR PASTOR

​​

“Appreciating Your Pastor”

​

How do you say thank you” to the person who taught you as a child. confirmed you into the church, counseled you as a teenager or
young adult, performed your marriage, baptized your children, helped keep your marriage together, encouraged your  parents through rerious illness, and preached the believer's hope at your dad’s funeral?

​

Oh, you say. “we have a new pastor who's only been at our church for a few months,"as though that excused you from expressing proper appreciation to the one who stood by vour family in the midst of life’s circumstances. We need to say thank you to the pastors of the past, whether they be one or many. Have you ever thought to take the trouble to find out where these people of God are today, dropping them a letter of kind gratitude for how their life and ministry had meaning and significance for you at a certain time in your life, or in the lives of the ones you love?

Even if you didn’t agree altogether with what a former pastor stood for it is likely that the ministry performed by that person had SOME positive influence in your life, or in the lives of your friends and relatives. Take time to say a word of genuine  appreciation.  That particular person may very  much need to be encouraged and affirmed at  a difficult time in their professional life.

​

Pastors are often under attack. They stand as spokespersons for the light of God in the midst of a world that loves the darkness.
Because they are public, visible leaders, they frequently fail under the critical scrutiny of people who disagree. Sometimes these
criticisms are legitimate and sometimes they aren’t but the pastor ALWAYS has to listen to them. These can be very damaging, sapping a pastor's strength to minister effectively.

​

Ministers need to hear the voices of those who are moving ahead under their leadership — words of genuine affection from those
who are glad for their presence in the Church and community, and who find their work of worthy benefit. Your expression of thanks
could bring a spark of new vigor to your pastor(s) as they approach their God-given task. Do it today!

by Tim Couch. columnist

​

​

AXIOMS

 

Axioms
By DAVID STEELE
TUESDAY MORNING (column)

​

’Twas in Seminary Ethics class that the term “middle axioms” came my way. Ten years later, I began to understand what it
meant. It had to do with the great gap between the lofty pronouncements of faith and the way things are in actual life —
between love your neighbor and that actual stinker who lives next door.

​

In order to give any punch to the former, I need some kind of basic stance drawn from it that actually has concrete effect on the latter.

 

Desegregation was often given as an example of a middle axiom. The goal was what we then called Universal Brotherhood (the family of God); the reality was the segregated society.

​

It did little good to mouth our goal over and over. One needed some middle axiom, something concrete that would relate the goal to what actually existed. Desegregation seemed the axiom. It was in between the goal and the actuality. It gave a person a concrete direction for thought and action. 

 

LATELY, I have become concerned  with middle axioms once more. I meet weekly with seminary seniors. One of our tasks is to help translate theology into practicality. 

​

There is a gap between the ideal of ministry and an actual person in an actual parish. Middle axioms are in order. So I spent some time asking myself, “Dave, what are the middle axioms in your ministry?” It was difficult to determine them, for they have had to have some practical working out in my life. At last I came up with this list, which I shared with the class.

​

Perhaps they will prime your pump. I would be very interested in learning what middle axioms other pastors and lay folk find they are actually employing in their lives. I’d be pleased to pass yours on if you will send them to me.

​​

STEELE’S AXIOMS AS OF NOW:
1.    Jesus grabs me, this I know.
2.    Infallibility is in short supply.
3.    Humor is a means of grace.
4.    The key to ministry: knowing what not to do and not doing it.
5.    A congregation has the right to expect its minister to tell them the truth.
6.    Sunday worship demands our best.
7.    Worship is participation.
8.    Brooks was rjght: preaching is conveying truth through personality.
9.    People are marvelous critters: they do not need any “help” or for me to “feel sorry” for them.
10.    Establishment change is a worthwhile pursuit.
11.    Institutions (including the church) cannot love me. God and people can and do.
12.    What I don’t know interests me more than what I do know.
13.    My task: to be an authentic human being, not to be a saint.
14.    Religious truth is metaphorical.
15.    The grace in ordinary (bread) days is worth watching for.
16.    Creating brings life.
17.    It is difficult to be efficient and authentic at the same time.
18.    Play is essential in ministry.
19.    Providence is important to choose what is going on.
21.    The waves wash away the footprints on the beach.
22.    Writing comedy would be fun to try.     

​

In The Presbyterian Outlook, 3/21/88

​​​​